I believe GOD leads me to foggy places so that I continue to walk by faith and not by sight.
Many times, I get too comfortable and I am able to blindly “do things in my sleep”. I go from living and thriving to simply exisiting without being consciously aware that I am doing it or even experiencing it. That said, I sometimes take what I have and where I am for granted, ensnared by the fallacies and spiritually-suffocating traps of trending social psychology e.g. “self-made” and “I can do it on my own.”
So, I’m grateful for having to negotiate the unnerving foggy places and journeying through the uncertainty of the “wilderness” where the unknown casts scary shadows on my wall while I lie in bed at night, and the waking-known that, at times, steals away my security and leaves me to think and feel that I’m in a personal ‘Twilight Zone’ suffering from a state of “Where am I and WTF is going on?”
I’m honestly grateful for the experiences that leave me falling to my knees and asking earnestly for help. I’m also grateful for God’s silence when I am expecting immediate gratification because it forces me to grow my patience and simply learn how to wait.
I am reminded of a young shepherd in the Bible named David, when he said in the 23rd Psalm:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
Truly, God has kept me during the past 40 days and nights. I’d say that He has restored my soul, but anytime ‘re’ is prefixed to a word it means, in essence, to return to an original or former state of being. So while my interpretation of the biblical context of restoration is a reconnection of the mind or the resyncing of my mind with the divinity (spirit/Jesus/God living with me) that lives within me, I still prefer the term, transformation. Because I did not and do not want to return to my former state of being; it wasn’t working for me.
God creates new things; He always has and always does create substance out of emptiness and He has given me the inner peace that no external person, place, or thing can even attempt to provide. He has revealed to me more of who I am and who I am not. He has shielded me from the intentions of evil, and has continued to host me, nourish me, and bless me in its presence.
I am grateful.