- The same tired-ass bathroom selfie while toothpaste spit bubbles are conspicuously chilling on the mirror. In fact, just stop taking pictures in the bathroom altogether. #windex
- Subliminal clapback posts, but according to you aren’t really clapbacks because you’re just “talking out loud” like Kevin Spacey. If you’re mad at the world and just wanna talk out loud, you might consider a journal. Yeah, they still make those, bruh. Otherwise, expect it to either go down in the comments section or the DM. Whichever one doesn’t get blocked first. Your choice. Smile.
- Duck lips. Look, those should have been stowed away in, like, what? 2015? But there are still a few stragglers. So, as they say or used to say in the Army when I served but really wanted to so desperately be a civilian again, “Police up your battle buddies.” If you see something, say something. Thank you.
- The Dab. In middle school, during arts and crafts class, my teacher would have me and my class use Elmer’s Glue to secure construction paper or paper maché together to complete whatever the hell project we were doing at the time. And if we were caught applying copious amounts of white adhesive, she would admonish us, saying, “A little dab will do you.” Here, in 2019, though, a little dab won’t do you because, no, we don’t know how to not over-do things. Because when older white people start doing the dab, it’s time to shut it down. We cannot have nice things so shut it down. But not like the government.
- Preaching, prophecying, or being a pest to me or anyone in the DM. Just so we are clear like white people with little to no melanin (no offense), I already have a personal relationship with God and it is personal hence why I’m using the word personal three times in this sentence. I don’t wanna type Amen if I love Jesus and I’m not going to. I’m also not going to forward some random message to “keep it going”. Why would I want to keep spam going? Nah. Nope. Nah uh. Block.
- Calling me on Facebook Messenger when you know good and well you have my phone number. What would you do if Facebook went away overnight? What would happen to our relationship? Hell, do we even have one anymore? I’m bout to BirdBox you and you don’t even know it.
- Tagging me when you don’t know me like that and even then, if you do know me like that, let the algorithm do its job.
- Liking all of my posts as soon as I accept your friend request, LIKE A STALKER. I don’t even like all of my posts, non-fam. Pace yourself. Run the marathon not the sprint.
- Commenting on an article before actually reading the article. I mean . . . 😫
- Finally, begging for attention, directly or indirectly. In all seriousness, social media should not be anyone’s vehicle for love, acceptance, self-worth, self-esteem, etc. Likes amd followers in and of themselves don’t mean anything. Don’t fall victim to the addictive nature of modern technology. But just take my word for it, read Dr. Adam Alter’s latest book, “Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked. I’m coming off a 14-day social media detox, and everytime I complete one, it does wonders to my psyche and my spirit.
Wait. Before I go, 2019 just invaded my DM and told to tell you, “Don’t bring that sh*t in here”.
Now, you can type Amen if you love this message. Happy New Year!