Expectation

Expectation is a motherf*cker. 

We ask for things and when they manifest we complain about the way they show up and the form they show up in. We lack intimate and absolute knowledge of the ways of life yet we are constantly ungrateful and discontent with the daily happenings in our lives as if we know something that the Universe does not. As if the Universe isn't conscious, but we are. Like, was someone or something else supposed to be here? Were we given a tracking number to the wrong package? Was it delivered to the wrong address? Did someone else sign for it? We literally could go on and on with questions about what is not and miss everything that is. 

Peep our behavior. We exclaim to God that we want to ascend to our highest state of consciousness, to become our best selves, but as soon as the turbulence of today begins to affect our climb to a cruising altitude we are quick to don our parachutes and escape through the emergency exit forfeiting all the experiences that exist solely to get us there.

I think temptation solely exists as a test. A proving ground of sorts wherein we are afforded a glimpse of the consequences of our actions positively or negatively. Do we delay gratification or consume it without reservation? Do we want what we say we want or are we just making noise? Do we believe that change is a tangible goal or just a lofty fantasy experienced vicariously through the lives of others, but not ourselves? 

As for me, I'm doing my damnedest to refrain from making choices based on how I feel. This sh*t ain't easy. And don't get me wrong, my feelings can sometimes point to something more than what meets my eyes and save me from ruin, however, I'm talking about the knee-jerk feeling of discomfort that religiously pays me a visit as soon as I am faced with adversity.

We're always faced with choices: We can succumb to "I don't feel like it" and not do it or do it no matter what. We can doubt or we can believe.

All I know is that I'm making strides to be and do better. On some days my words don't align with my actions and vice versa, but I'm out here on the court putting in work. 

And that sh*t has to count for something.