Okay, so I’m reading an amazing book called The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly and came across the quote that I posted below. It confounded me and I could hear myself saying, not in these exact words, but close enough, “You’re hiding. You don’t want anyone to truly know you.” What you’re about to read below, is birthed from that conversation.
I started not to post this because I realize, as a man, it's counterculture to reveal my weaknesses, especially in public and I didn’t want you to laugh at my pain. However, in the end, this is not about me. By choosing freedom over fear perhaps I can inspire you to do the same. In popular culture, all the makings of a man point to confidence and strength which sometimes colors outside the lines and enters into the lanes of arrogance and machismo. However, that’s not my testimony. My authenticity would be remiss if I said that I am confident or even strong more than fifty percent of the time. I struggle with my thoughts. I battle anxiety and depression. Yes, I’ve been diagnosed, but a diagnosis is not a destiny. I contend with believing in myself and my abilities. As such, I oftentimes keep my presence small, when I really want to be big, if that makes sense. Everyday presents a unique set of challenges for me, but I realize that I don't have to solve them on my own nor can I because I’ve tried to already and the same problems remain. Truth be told, I had an emotional breakdown on Tuesday. I’m talking tears, ugly face, snot bubbles, trembling, and wailing. Yeah, you get the picture. It’s a moment that I’ll never forget. Perhaps, it was necessary and in the moment allowed me to shed the heaviness that I was carrying and simply and humbly call on God, in essence, casting my burdens upon Him. I did feel lighter afterward, too. I read something a while ago that stated crying helps to release toxins from the body. I’ll take that, too.
Behind my inspirational quotes, haikus, witty phrases, and even my smile is an imperfect man, striving to turn his weaknesses into strengths. I enlist your help and would like to enroll you in my journey to encourage me, converse with me, and pray for me along this journey and I will do the same for and with you.